We all have a list of things we tell ourselves we “should” do. The thing is, what we should do never happens. What we do are the things we “must” do.
Willpower is short-lived and over-rated. Intrinsic motivation driven by the desire to grow is not.
If you find you’re continually telling yourself that you should do something, either change it to a “must” or stop talking about it.
A complaint is the antithesis of gratitude. It’s an inherent way of saying: reality is what it is, but it SHOULDN’T be!
Which makes as much sense as being in the freezing cold and saying: it shouldn’t be cold.
You can take good care of others while still taking good care of yourself. There are plenty of compassionate, helpful, nondestructive ways to keep others warm without letting yourself on fire.
Take it from a lifelong codependent.
After years of studying experts and practicing mindfulness meditation, I’ve synthesized some of the wisdom into a few sentences that make it simpler, more understandable, and (I hope) more approachable to those who may be interested but still confused.
Reflecting on important questions is one of the most powerful things we can do to get us through difficult emotional times. The reactive part of us makes us feel like we’ve been the victim of some wrongdoing (and perhaps we have). One great question that forces us to focus on our own accountability is this:
How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want? (quote by Jerry Colona)
Unless it’s a revelation for you that “communication is the key” to relationships of any kind, it’s not useful without context on how to communicate in a healthy way.
Here are details on just a few things I’ve learned from my personal communication failures:
We are wired for safety, not success or happiness. Our lizard brains know that we must protect our “selves” (bodies) from harm. Our loved ones may, with the best of intentions, persuade us to stick with safe paths in order to stick with what seems to be tested and safe.
Fortunately, we’ve evolved enough to be conscious of how we optimize our lives. We can choose to optimize to get the most from every investment, the most important of which are time and attention.
It’s a nebulous word, so it’s harder than it seems to truly know what would make you “happy.” One hack to help you determine this is to explore the percentage of your time you spend doing things out of obligation rather than desire or excitement. Desire and excitement are more useful proxies for “happy.”
It’s impossible to have a view of the value of something without comparison. Is $5,000 expensive? For a house in Austin? No. For a pack of Juicyfruit gum? Probably.
Make sure that whatever you’re evaluating is 1) of value to you – an even trade of money for what you want, and 2) compared to the right things.
In her moving Ted Talk, Susan Cain outlines how social interactions by default tend to be structured by and for extroverts and why it’s important to respect and value the many introverts.
A humble brag about my sister, who initiated new “normal” activities for elementary school children who felt left out at recess for not embracing sports as their mode of play. Now, groups of people can work on art, read, or do other activities of their choice, either in relative isolation or quietly within a group.
We should know by now that leveraging people’s natural strengths and preferences produces more creativity, motivation, and, best of all, more fulfilled humans.
There is a strong correlation between heavy social media use and loneliness. FOMO (fear of missing out) is real. Overusing social media leads to sacrificing genuine human connection, an essential ingredient for a gratifying life.
Technology is helpful, miraculous even, in connecting us to those we may never otherwise connect. But let’s make sure we use it responsibly, as a tool, rather than a replacement for human connection.