People often site lack of resources (money, connections, environment, support, their biology, the economy) to rationalize their lack of progress. Successful people know that they will always lack resources. Their super power is being resourceful.
Being resourceful means leveraging existing connections, absorbing wisdom from mentors and books, and an attitude that you will do all you can with what you have from where you are. Consider the difference between “here are all the reasons I can’t do this”, and “what resources will help me do this?”
You can hide behind the list of things you don’t have, or you can actively seek ways to architect your life.
Unless you’re extremely unlucky, it’s easy to see that life could be worse. This recognition doesn’t make problems go away of course.
But imagine trading places with those who have no one to count on, are on their deathbeds, or are living in cultures where staying alive is an hourly concern.
Imagining this and returning to the present may help us appreciate that if we have any number of friends, any semblance of health, and are not plagued with constant safety concerns, that we are the very definition of lucky.
For most people reading this, there are several hundred million people who would trade places with you without hesitation.
We all know that physical exercise is healthy, easier to maintain than regain, and that despite diverse innate abilities we can all dramatically improve from our baseline.
Seeking a trained psychologist only in severe distress is like considering gym memberships and nutrition programs only after becoming a dangerously obese diabetic. Or like taking up meditation only when neurosis derails your life. But like physical attributes, mental well-being can be monitored, maintained, and enhanced.
Mental states we crave (joy, focus, calm) are available to us. Ground-breaking science (e.g., epigenetics) is confirming what many wise contemplatives throughout history noticed: the powerful insight that these positive states are not unchangeable, factory human settings.
I find it valuable to do this post-game analysis after unpleasant events:
Ask myself if (a) I was part of the cause, or (b) something actually happened “to” me.
– If (a) I decide what I’ll do or stop doing so I don’t repeat mistakes.
– If (b) I recognize some things as out of my control, and move on.
Easier said than done. But so are most things that enhance our mental lives.
This is the easiest time in history to measure anything – your popularity on Instagram; your weight; last month’s sales; average miles per gallon; the number of people you helped last week.
Since “what gets measured gets managed” (from Peter Drucker), perhaps our top priority before moving on with our week should be to decide WHAT should get measured.
How much more accomplished would we feel if we focused on these vital few things, versus the trivial many that are easily measured but don’t matter?
A psychology study in a prison revealed that about 90% of those incarcerated were told by their parents that they would end up in jail.
Guilt comes from remorse for something we’ve done. Shame appears when we believe we ARE “bad”. This is the difference between thinking you did a bad thing and believing you are a bad thing.
The distinction between admonishing a child’s behavior, versus equating bad behavior with their identity may be the difference between raising a respectable human and a criminal. Same truth applies to adults. Let’s be careful how we talk to one another, and how we talk to ourselves.
The “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others” airplane instruction is a strong example of how we can best be of service to others. The analogy applies to unrelated and non-urgent scenarios.
Sick, sleep-deprived moms won’t be their best selves. “Selfless” people who donate all their money are promptly in a position where they can no longer help anyone.
Drowning people make lousy lifeguards.
Caring for your own well-being is a prerequisite for being useful to those around us.