I find it valuable to do this post-game analysis after unpleasant events:
Ask myself if (a) I was part of the cause, or (b) something actually happened “to” me.
– If (a) I decide what I’ll do or stop doing so I don’t repeat mistakes.
– If (b) I recognize some things as out of my control, and move on.
Easier said than done. But so are most things that enhance our mental lives.